Sunday, September 23, 2007

Peace Talks

We had been slugging it out in the trenches around New Baumstark with the Colorado National Guard for a couple weeks, and a stale-mate developed. We'd make some progress and take a few positions during the day, but then the National Guard would came in like the blasted Cong and took it all back at night. They had some of the best god damned night vision equipment I ever seen. We owned the day, but the Guard owned the night.

So when a guardsman approached our line waving a white flag, we were all ears. He invited us to meet with his field leader, a two-star general Winston, to discuss peace. Ideally I wanted to meet with the president- two stars is peanuts- but with the brutal Colorado winter looming, we were all ears- we wanted to work out some sort of deal and just get the hell out of there.

So I went with commissar Vandernutz to meet General Winston in the town square. Everyone else pretty much scattered so we had plenty of space to talk. General Winston got there first and he waved at us as we got close. Commissar Vandernutz smiled. I could tell the two had met before, and I smelled a rat.

What happened next pretty much eroded all my trust and confidence in communism. And I'm not just saying that to try and sensationalize this blog posting- god dammit, I mean it - I'm still hopping mad about it. So I'll continue-

Apparently the Colorado National Guard was equipped by some American defense contractor, Blackburton or something or other, that was going through some trouble- they were warned of a potential SEC investigation- something about lying on financial statements and misleading investors. Real greaseball shit that was between the management. So they needed a huge increase in earnings, and had employed this Vandernutz to recruit a small army and stage a nasty little mock incursion so that the Colorado National Guard would need to have their supply of munitions, vehicles and equipment doubled in a matter of weeks- the scheme must have netted the defense contractor billions. And it was all done in time so that the contractor could amend its filing to the SEC and avoid a nasty little investigation. Which meant there was really nothing left to be done here. So Vandernutz and the general shook hands while I shook in horror and the two parted ways. The Colorado National Guard moved into New Baumstark, and were told to scram and granted safe passage up to Canada.

But by god I was pissed- Vandernutz, a capitalist in communist's clothing, had scammed us all and started war for the sake of generating a large defense budget- Did you ever hear of such a thing? Can you imagine that- a defense company starting a war just to make money? Well I immediately put Vandernutz atop my list of people to kill, got my knapsack and BAR, and hopped on a Greyhound, destination unknown.