Monday, August 06, 2007

Una Banana Daiquiri!

We had heard some rumors bout a band of teenagers roaming around the mountains surrounding New Baumstark, attacking supply convoys in hit-and run assaults. We did not pay alot of attention at first, but then they went over the line and ambushed one of our armored columns.

Ivan was quite displeased with all this, and so he dispatched Pacman Jones, myself, Procop, and a platoon of Cubans into the mountains on a search and destroy mission. We were to locate and engage the guerrillas, and to inflict as many casualties as possible in the hopes of eliminating them as an effective fighting force.

As we proceeded up the trail I spied a large cocktail glass containing a yellow frosted fluid. There appeared to be some sort of detonator cord coming out of the back. "Una banana daiquiri!" I yelled.

But it was too late- our point man, Juan Pablo, heard my scream and tried to jump back, but at that point the daiquiri blew-up and Juan Pablo was blown in half.

We weren't going to fight our way past any more booby traps. We called in some engineers, collected Juan Pablo's remains, and walked back to town, quite dejected. As we headed back into town, Commissar VanderNutz rushed out and greeted us with a profanity-laced diatribe about how we were a bunch of wimps and he we needed to go back into the mountains and finish things off with the guerrillas. We told him we were done for the day, and he shook his head at us, cocked his AK-47, and ran into the brush to flush out the guerrillas on his own. Fool's courage.

We started to relax, but in the distance I could hear artillery fire- Some of it outgoing, and some of it was incoming. And then from the opposite end of town I saw one of our men running- he was one of the Soviet paratroopers who had been out on an ambush- he was badly wounded now, and was covered in blood and bandages.

"Get it together man!" I said, in a spot-on Mills impersonation.

The injured paratrooper did not seem amused. "The national guard- they're everywhere- they're coming right at us- they're right on my tail and they're not stopping for shit!" he screamed.

Then he grabbed a canteen and frantically hobbled off. Worthless deserter. I drew my pistol and proceeded to shoot him in the back as he tried to flee. The yellow-bellied coward dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks. You don't cut and run from a fight- not in my army anyway.

Then I got in one of our bunkers and loaded my BAR- and our troops poured out into our trenches and earthworks to defend the perimeter. I stared off in the distance as nightfall blanketed the horizon in darkness. There was going to be a long night of fighting ahead.


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