Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The Revenge of the Football Gods


So this Hmong trapper comes down from the mountains to re-supply his cabin. A couple of the locals spotted him as he left the general store and decided to harass him- you know how they feel about outsiders. But this trapper guy- he was pretty irritable and one thing led to another and then some shooting started. The trapper took a .22 round in the leg but managed to shoot his way out of town and headed back into the mountains. We ended up having to form a posse and track the trapper into the wilderness with some dogs, sleds and we even got this RCAF canuck to help out with his bi-plane. It was pretty damn cold- and God knows I hate the cold- but it was all worth it when we finally cornered the poor bastard and filled him full of lead. We let the dogs eat the trapper's body as a reward for all their hard work.

I think these strange Waukesha Lutherans with plastered-down hair are really taking a liking to me. They told me I did a great job on the death hunt of the trapper, and they were thrilled I was teaching their children the proper form and eitquette for hand grenade lobbing that I had learned during my black op days. So on Saturday night I was really feeling good about things and just trying to settle down for a good night's sleep. And that's when it happened- that's when I was visited by cursed The Football Gods...

First I noticed the smell of burning incense, and then three ominous figures suddenly appeared. They were each about eight-feet tall, clad in bed-sheets, and they were chanting apocalyptic predictions regarding the collective fates of my fantasy football teams. I grabbed the .44 from under my pillow and fired six rounds into them. Nothing happened- blasted slugs went right through them. So I jumped under my bed and tried to hide, and the sons of bitches circled my bed for what seemed like hours- chanting as they went. At some point I passed out, and I awoke the next morning in my bed hoping it was all just a dream. But my .44 was empty, and the days' NFL events confirmed the Football Gods horrific predictions...

Here's a summary of some of the doom and gloom...
Daunte Culpepper -Daunte injured his knee yesterday and is done for the season, proving that things can indeed continue to get worse for the pitiful Vikings. And if you just signed Brad Johnson, you're an idiot
Anquan Boldin -'quan had a nice TD catch but then bruised his knee and may miss some time
Mark Bradley -Bradley had an excellent preseason and was en route to a break-out game yesterday before he went down with a torn ACL. Season's over, rook
Priest Holmes- add "concussion" to the laundry list of injuries for the Priest. Does Larry Johnson get the start next week?
Randy Moss -Randy has a whole mess of injuries, and he is presently serving as a decoy, fooling both oppising defenses and fantasy owners alike
Jevon Kearse -the Eagles defense surrendered 564 yards and 49 points to the Broncos yesterday, as the Freak spent most of the game on the sidelines with a shoulder injury

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't sell Priest short man. I brought the dude up when we was with the Ravens. We was tight, man. My boy's got heart. He's got heart. He'll be out on the field next week- that's a fact, Jack

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

McStallen,

Since you are now living in the states, how do you feel about America's war campaign in Iraq?

4:41 PM  
Blogger McStallen said...

I support the war but not the troops

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:10 PM  
Blogger McStallen said...

McGelboim- sorry I stopped doing football picks because I was getting too many games wrong- really my guest prognosticators let me down.

I haven't felt that betrayed since the Bay of Pigs. But at least we made that commie-lover Kennedy pay

8:27 PM  
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8:44 PM  

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