McStallen's New Orleans Relief Fund

Kruschev never had the balls to do it. Al quaeda couldn't do it. Tojo didn't have the resources to do it. Pancho Villa tried but couldn't do it. But an incompetent mayor, mother nature, and the pathetic dispositions of 400,000+ ignorant complacent southern retards could do it.

What am I talking about? Why destroying an American city of course. And in the last one hundred years, no one has been able to destroy an American city, not until now anyway, when Hurricane Katrina turned New Orleans (Louisiana) into Atlantis meets Mogadishu. It is the 21st-century, yet the hapless civil engineers of the Big Easy were no match for mother nature, though they've been expecting a massive flood for hundreds of years, ever since the French constructed this soup bowl-esque city. New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is "pissed" about the slow federal response- well hey Ray, maybe alot of outsiders are "pissed" that you don't know how to handle a hurricane, had absolutely horrific civic planning regarding the disaster, and that your citizens seem to be developing latent paramilitary complexes. This clown Nagin and his bungling beaurocratic cohorts negligently permitted this town to be protected with insufficient levies, allowing New Orleans to swept away like it was some ancient Babylonian city, and he had horrific contingency planning. But like all Americans, his first reaction is to blame outside forces for this. Christ Nagin, look in the mirror man!

And instead of coming together as people often do in times of trouble, the beleaguered citizens are blaming the rest of America for not coming to the rescue quickly enough, shooting at their would-be rescuers, looting for useless electronics, and just disgracing themselves as human beings. I don't think there're any people left in the city really- just animals.

And now I say we finish this city off once and for all. So I am starting the "McStallen New Orleans Relief Fund," in which I intend to permanently relieve the world of New Orleans by obliterating the city and its remaining inhabitants with a strategic bombing raid. Look, the city is screwed up and will cost billions and billions to fix. Yet I can make the entire problem go away for less than $500,000. Yes, that's right folks-less than $500,000.

"How?" you ask. I'll tell you how...With your help- I will need your donations. And for every $20,000 I receive in tax-deductible donations from you all, I shall drop one (1) 10,000-pound bomb on New Orleans. By targeting the few remaining functioning levies, the relief centers, any gas or fuel reserves, and any other nerve centers, I think I can wipe New Orleans completely off the map for $320,000 (16 total bombs). As you all know, the McStallen Assault Helicopter holds 18 bombs (though the children's toy version of the helicopter holds only 12), so this should all take about 20 minutes.

And every donation matters- no matter how big or how small- just so long as it's from the heart and helps pay for bombs that kill people. So even if it's just fifty cents, -yes, that's right, as little as the price for a cup of coffee- I'll make sure your money counts and blow some people up for you.

And I know many of you are troubled that the corrupt incompetent southern bureaucrats responsible for this mess will be spared from the bombing as they are likely safe in their mansions on high ground, talking about how they're going to get the Duke boys. And that's a valid concern. But in time, maybe I'll devise a way to kill or imprison them as well. So my dear friends, please be patient.

As for now, I am asking all of you to dig deep from the bottom of your hearts and send me money. Time is running out and the urban population will be too scattered with-in 72 hours for this sort of bombing to be effective.

Please, send money now

Contact info:
Mikhael McStallen
187 Napalm Lane
Old Somersette
Saint Kitts & Nevis

Thank you