Mercenaries are Good
Apparently the International Criminal Court has been building a case on me for a while, and this morning I was put on trial before a joint UN-ICC tribunal. It's quite a spectacle really- there were more people here than at a ball game- political reps from all sorts of countries and NGOs, Willie Cicci, Tyson Chandler, the great American patriot Oliver North, and a whole bunch of other criminal justice and military folk. The tribunal allowed me to make an opening statement, and I have provided a transcript of that statement on the blog...
----------------------------------------------------------
"I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to speak, Chairman Cromwell...
...since you are putting me on trial for crimes against humanity... (laughter)
The world...the world has become a mess.
Countries are always bickering, stock-piling weapons. Illicit regimes come and go. Armies lay massed at borders waiting for a spark to start a fire.
In the days of the great dictators, there was order.
Men like Ghengis Khan and Alexander the Great built great empires, controlled everything, and brought order to the world!
Today, there are no great leaders... and there is no order!
So who controls the world now?
You do. That's right, you, the citizens of the world.
And you are all being royally screwed over by the UN and all these other international organizations ...with their oil-for-food scandals, their tolerance of genocide, and their refusal to put an end to international conflicts! There must be 50 different officials in here from 50 different international organizations, and I have no idea what any of them do!
That's where I come in- In the last fourteen deals that I have done, I have deposed four illicit regimes, destroyed 125 tons of enemy equipment and munitions, and slaughtered over 300 armed combatants.
(applause)
I am not a destroyer of nation-states...
I am a liberator of them!
(more applause)
The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that 'mercenaries,' for lack of a better word...
...are good.
Mercenaries are right.
Mercenaries divide, mercenaries unite, mercenaries clarify, and mercenaries cleanse
Mercenaries have marked the upward surge of mankind.
And mercenaries, you mark my words,will save the world.
Thank you very much.
(applause)"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------
"I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to speak, Chairman Cromwell...
...since you are putting me on trial for crimes against humanity... (laughter)
The world...the world has become a mess.
Countries are always bickering, stock-piling weapons. Illicit regimes come and go. Armies lay massed at borders waiting for a spark to start a fire.
In the days of the great dictators, there was order.
Men like Ghengis Khan and Alexander the Great built great empires, controlled everything, and brought order to the world!
Today, there are no great leaders... and there is no order!
So who controls the world now?
You do. That's right, you, the citizens of the world.
And you are all being royally screwed over by the UN and all these other international organizations ...with their oil-for-food scandals, their tolerance of genocide, and their refusal to put an end to international conflicts! There must be 50 different officials in here from 50 different international organizations, and I have no idea what any of them do!
That's where I come in- In the last fourteen deals that I have done, I have deposed four illicit regimes, destroyed 125 tons of enemy equipment and munitions, and slaughtered over 300 armed combatants.
(applause)
I am not a destroyer of nation-states...
I am a liberator of them!
(more applause)
The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that 'mercenaries,' for lack of a better word...
...are good.
Mercenaries are right.
Mercenaries divide, mercenaries unite, mercenaries clarify, and mercenaries cleanse
Mercenaries have marked the upward surge of mankind.
And mercenaries, you mark my words,will save the world.
Thank you very much.
(applause)"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
posted by McStallen at
10:50 AM
14 Comments:
F U McStallen! You are a phony!
And Meghan, you're a dim-witted, rotund, lesbian pig!
you know McStallen, I caught a lot of footballs in my day and got pretty into it with the ladies every now and then, and I never seen a woman as fine as Megan Largent.
you leave her alone or I'll get Brian Blades or John L. Williams to come after your ass.
You were nothing without me Stevo you ingrate. You're a two-bit pirate and a green-mailer- not only would you sell your mother to make a deal, but you'd send her COD.
Me and my half-brother Roger owned the NFL in the 1980s -don't you forget it
McStallen, if i put on a few extra pounds, you know -- being depressed and eating cartons of ben and jerry's - do you think I could play in the NFL. maybe be the dave meggett of this generation.
Please honey, as you are now, you'd flatten Dave Meggett (bigs ups to Towson State). If you put on any more wait you'll be the Bus of this generation. And at some point your girth may rival that of the great William Perry.
Oh please! Can't you fat angry lesbians all get along? Or can't you at least go to some pro-choice/breast cancer awareness/take back the night/anti-Bush site and rant there?!
I don't need to deal with this shit now- goddammit I'm being tried for crimes against humanity! And I say "humanity" is over-rated
golf is for pussies!
I've never been to a golf course and I refuse to go because I read in "The rotund Dim-witted Closet Lesbian Guide to America" that golf courses are all just a bunch of old white male republicans smacking around a ball and making a bunch of african-american caddies and ball boys run around like stephen fetchitt
and then there's this really good bi-racial golfer named lion forest or something- and i heard that those evil white men make him wear a green jacket after he plays- just because he's black! those evil white men! they're so bad! we need to kill them all and castrate them!
ooh! oooh! and there are these two really good african-american female golfers named venus and lateefa who win all the practice matches like wimberdon but you never see them in any tournaments. why aren't they in the big tournaments? because they're black and i heard they're not allowed in! and they're not related but i heard white men refer to them as the "williams sisters" in a deragatory way to mock the african-american cultural use of "sister" to represent a friend
and then, and then, and then i heard they let this white guy named casey marvin use an electronic SUV when he plays but i've never seen them let an africa-america get to use a cart. why? because they make the africa-america golfers walk all over the course and won't let them get rides like they let the white men get cars and carts
oh my god i'm so so angry
i want some ice cream
McStallen , you've become McStale! You need a true clandestine to teach you. I can train even imbeciles like you.
Actually I like McStallen just fine but I don't know what to make of all these angry lesbians. Can't they just go somewhere else?
I've been around a lot of unbearable dunces, but those bitches were just as nasty before they came out of the closet. That's why I always enjoyed throwing elbows in sports contests. McStallen, maybe you should sponsor international competition and with your devious intentions, you may be able to ...
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home