My First Week in Waukesha

Somebody once wrote "Hell is the impossibility of Reason." That's what Waukesha feels like. I hate it already and it's only been a week.

I live with a bunch of right-wing insane Lutheran dildo farmers that all have their hair plastered down in the front, drive suped-up IROCs with manziers, and can't make a decision without first considering what their grandfather would do. We get up at 5 a.m., work on the farm all day, camp around 4 or 5 p.m., dig foxholes, eat, then put out an all-night ambush for mettlesome big-city folk that may are known to wander into our town every once in a while. A few nights ago we came upon a city-slicker from New York city who was attending Grinnell College. He was a long way from Grinnell, and an even longer way from New York City. So we took him out to the main cornfield, tied him to some stalks, and then burned him alive.

Anyway, if you're lucky you get to stay in the perimeter at night and then you pull a 3-hour guard shift, so maybe you sleep 3-4 hours a night, but you don't really sleep ...

It's scary cause nobody tells me what to do because I'm new and nobody cares about the new guys- they don't even want to know your name. The unwritten rule is a new guy's life isn't worth as much because he hasn't put his time in yet - and they say if you're gonna get killed in the Waukesha, it's better to get it in the first few weeks, the logic being: you don't suffer as much...

... the hardest thing I think I've ever done is gone cow-tipping. I don't even know what I'm doing. A cow could be standing 3 feet in front of me and I wouldn't know it, I'm so tired. I don't think I can keep this up for a year, grandma - I
think I've made a big mistake coming here ...

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I tried to talk football with these people, but they are all delusional cheese-dick FudgePacker fans and I can't have a reasonable conversation with them. One told me Don Majkowski ("the Magic Man") was robbed of the league MVP title in 1989, at which point I pointed by BAR right into his gut.
Oh well. It has been a tough fantasy football season for alot of people and I guess emotions get high. I had drafted Ahman Green and Deuce McAllister in one of my leagues, and I can't help but blame the "football gods" for the demise of that team. But the "football gods"... HA! Who would believe in such nonsense?