Garrison taken! / Beane Ball
The night push worked like a charm and we took captured the garrison and killed all those bloody pirates. We killed nearly half the pirates in actual armed combat, and then as per orders, executed the remaining survivors after they threw down their arms and begged for mercy. Mercy? You've come to the wrong place fella. I don't do mercy.
We took alot of casualties on the last push, so my men really enjoyed finishing off those damned pirates. We even saved their parrot for last. So although the attack went well, troubling news soon followed. Apparently this Suharto fellow, who played himself off to me as the "president of Indonesia," has been out of office since 1999. I guess he figured I wasn't that up on world politics, and he guessed right. So when I found out, I instructed McGelboim to attack Suharto's command bunker in Sumatra with the McStallen assault helicopter to exact swift and complete revenge on Suharto. Unfortunately Suharto and his cronies had already fled to one of the other islands. So although McGelboim blew up alot of people, he was unable to kill anyone actually involved with all this. Just lit up a bunch of "innocent" people I guess. But you know how I feel about that- no one's innocent- not me, not you, not Mother Theresa, and not some dumb bastard Sumatran fisherman. We all go through life with degrees of guilt and culpability.
Alot of people died, the mission was basically a set-up/sham, and I didn't get paid. So needless to say I think the whole operation was at best only marginally successful
So I feel bad. And seeing the baseball team of the insideous capitalist Billy Beane succeed is only making things worse.
The starters
Barry Zito- 5-0 in his last 6 starts, with a 1.17 ERA
Touchdown Joey Blanton-has dropped his ERA nearly two full points since June 1 (1.98 to be exact)
Danny Haren-has not lost a game since May
Rich Harden- yeah we all know he's really good at baseball
The closer
Huston Street- in 16 of his last 17 appearances, opposing teams have been unable to score an earned run against him
The bats
Nick Swisher- he just hit his 14th bomb of the season tonight, and has raised his average 50 points since June 1st
Eric Chavez- he just hit his 15th bomb of the season tonight and has raised his average over 60 points since June 1st
Jay Payton- has homered in 3 of his first 6 games as an A. Big ups to Mr Beane for rescuing him from the Red Sox bench
posted by McStallen at
12:56 AM
3 Comments:
you killed the parrot? you heartless bastard. how can you kill a beautiful creature of the sky? I left mine in the dark for 72 hours once, causing it to chew off all its feathers but i could never intentionally harm such an animal.
Oh so for the confusion McGelboim- allow me to clarify- the "parrot" was actually an orphaned retarded Salvadorian boy who the pirates had found drifting in the Arafora Sea off New Guinea. The pirates dressed him in a parrot costume and masqueraded the child as a sort of mascot.
So it's not like I'm some sick bastard that kills animals- the "parrot" was merely just some young retard that I gutted like a a pig
Hey, whataya gonna do, nice mercenary, eh? Didn't want to get mixed up in this nasty pirate
business, huh? Now you wanna gun down a retard dressed as a parrot, Why? because he slapped ya in
the face a little bit? Hah? What do you think this is the Army? ...where you shoot'em a mile
away? No, you've gotta get up close like this and bada-bing! you blow their brains all over your
nice Ivy League suit.
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