R & R in Mogadishu

Hello loyal readers!
I am typing today from the lawless land of Somalia, resting in a compound in Mogadishu. And what a glorious and gorgeous place it is. The country isn't governed by laws mind you, but it is governed by power. The weak are hunted and often mowed down for sport, and armed bands of Skinnies roam the streets at all hours in lightly armored vehicles. And there are wild dogs everywhere- that's the thing with Somalians- they love animals, but they hate people.


I'm not sure why, but yesterday a Skinny took a shot at me in the Bukara market. The little ass-hole missed, and I returned fire and blew his head off. The rest of the market-goers looked up for a second or two and then went on about their business. And I just walked out. No hastling, no paperwork, no nothing. It doesn't get any better than that. I think every blood-thirsty mercenary owes it to his or herself to make a pilgrimage out to Mogadishu at least once in their lifetime.

Now the key with the Skinnies is eye contact. Always make eye contact with them- it shows you're on the same page with them. And then they'll usually look back, acknowledge you, and move along. And that's fine- no trouble, nobody dies. The only time you have trouble is if they keep looking at you for 4 or 5 seconds or more. If they stare that long, you know they're going to try something. So you have to go at them first- shoot to kill and make sure to finish them off.

So anyway I was taken in by a local warlord named n'Dugu. Apparently several of his ships had recently been raided by Indonesian pirates, and he lost nearly 100 cases of rifles, some surface-to-air missiles, and even a WWII-era Soviet .45 mm anti-tank gun. He was really pissed about the anti-tank gun. n'Dugu had heard of my recent raid against the pirates off Borneo and was quite impressed- he told me I could stay in his compound as long as I wanted. He hated those bloody pirates, and I spent many hours recounting the raid, going into all of the lurid details.

I would like to stay here- I feel safe and comfortable here and I don't think there's another place on earth like it- but I swear I saw an Algerian agent in the Bukara market today and I think the Algerians are onto me. They've been trailing me off an on since I bombed a few cafes in Algiers and Tunis in '03, but I've always managed to stay a few steps ahead of them. So I'll have to go soon in order to stay ahead.