McStallen Back! Polanco Freed
Hello everyone, this is McStallen, and What a fine day it is! I am recovering from my wounds and slowly readjusting to life. This latest shooting was probably the worst I endured, and I lost most of my lower intestine and one of my nipples was blown right off. I recognize now that I am older and don't have the strength I once used to possess. I will still write this blog periodically but I have decided to become semi-retired. Many e-mailers have asked what I intend to do with this Ricky Beltran, the two-bit mercenary and failed tropical fish salesman who perpetrated the unsuccessful assassination attempt on my life in the Balkans.
We often talk about vengeance in this business-- is vengeance going to bring my lower intestine back? Or my nipple back? No. I will forgo vengeance on Mr. Beltran. But I have selfish reasons for this. My protege, Juan Boca, will be assuming the lion share of blog-writing and mercenary duties that I onced used to perform. And I'm a superstitious man -- and if some unlucky accident should befall him -- if he should get shot in the head by a police officer -- or if he -- should hang himself by the keyboard-- or if he's struck by a bolt of lightning -- then I'm going to blame Mr. Beltran. And that, I do not forgive.
But -- that aside -- let me say that I swear -- on the souls of all those I have killed-- that I will not be the one to break the peace that I have made on this blog today...
Turning to the world of major league baseball, I am pleased to report that Placido Polanco has been freed from the shackles of reserve middle-infield purgatory in Philadelphia and will be given a chance for a new life. Philadelphia's fiendish baseball warden, Ed Wade, has decided to let Placido lead the good life he deserves, dealing him to the Detroit Tigers for Ugie Urbina. An accomplished and versatile player with a knack for moving runners, Mr. Polanco will be able to use the vast expanses of Comerica Park to smack line drives and produce runs. He will also not have to worry about competing with Chase Utley or David Bell, and gets a fresh start with a different fan base. Bravo Placido! Bravo!
Placido Polanco is heading to Detroit!
We often talk about vengeance in this business-- is vengeance going to bring my lower intestine back? Or my nipple back? No. I will forgo vengeance on Mr. Beltran. But I have selfish reasons for this. My protege, Juan Boca, will be assuming the lion share of blog-writing and mercenary duties that I onced used to perform. And I'm a superstitious man -- and if some unlucky accident should befall him -- if he should get shot in the head by a police officer -- or if he -- should hang himself by the keyboard-- or if he's struck by a bolt of lightning -- then I'm going to blame Mr. Beltran. And that, I do not forgive.
But -- that aside -- let me say that I swear -- on the souls of all those I have killed-- that I will not be the one to break the peace that I have made on this blog today...
Turning to the world of major league baseball, I am pleased to report that Placido Polanco has been freed from the shackles of reserve middle-infield purgatory in Philadelphia and will be given a chance for a new life. Philadelphia's fiendish baseball warden, Ed Wade, has decided to let Placido lead the good life he deserves, dealing him to the Detroit Tigers for Ugie Urbina. An accomplished and versatile player with a knack for moving runners, Mr. Polanco will be able to use the vast expanses of Comerica Park to smack line drives and produce runs. He will also not have to worry about competing with Chase Utley or David Bell, and gets a fresh start with a different fan base. Bravo Placido! Bravo!
Placido Polanco is heading to Detroit!
posted by McStallen at
9:24 AM
8 Comments:
mcstallen i jus reeden ju post an ju maken me cry tearse of joi
McStallen
I need a favor from you. I am a medium-scale opium producer and I wish to peddle narcotics on an international scale. I know you have a vast netowrk of international contacts, and I would like your help in trafficking these narcotics.
McStallen
Didn't you say Ichiro was going to hit .400 this year? He's hitting under .300 now. How do you explain this apparent discrepency?
Tuffy- I believe this drug business is going to destroy us in the years to come. I mean, it's not like coups or assassinations or security operations. Even the governments and international organizations that've helped us in the past with mercenary work and other things are going to refuse to help us when it comes to narcotics. And I believed that then, and I believe that now.
Mr. Bison- I don't know what to make of young Ichiro's troubles, and regret the day I predicted his .400 season. And like everything else I regret in life, I cannot change it now.
Narcotics, Hah! There's alot more money in diamonds!
Fuck you McStallen, I'm coming for you.
I challenge anyone on this site to a nude wrestling match to the death. That goes for McStallen, Beltran, the amphibious rodent, all rascal-driving anal-sex obsessed tax attorneys, Scott Wilson, atterbush, Boca, or anyone else that ever comes on this site. Any time, anyone, anywhere. You've been warned
I lost one, but I still have two nipples left- although I lost all feeling and movement in the middle one. Sad to say but my days of tempting the ladies of Bogota with the Millsian "Crow" maneuver are over.
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