New Bedside INtreview
Frends alike,
I haf an good news. McStallen haf speaken for first time with public intreviewen on June 7 and i gon publsih transcripten en these pages. Here goe notting:
Scott Wilson: My name is Scott Wilson and I am a fantasy sports writer. I am here live in a secret hospital room in Belgrade where notorious global mercenary and fantasy sports expert McStallen is healing from his wounds. McStallen, How are you?
McStallen: Fine, but the fact I am in this hospital is supposed to be secret. Don't print anything about Belgrade in your article.
Scott Wilson: OK don't worry I'll redact that part. I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday too. Here's a pint of imported breast milk.
McStallen: Why's it green?
Scott Wilson: Oh don't worry about that. Anyway on to fantasy sports... McStallen I am a big fan and would like to be your personal fantasy assistant.
McStallen: So you say Scott Wilson...You're the guy who has tried to meet with me 57 different times- there ought to be a picture of you in the dictionary under "persistent." So What've you got?
Scott Wilson: I know you had Clint Barmes on alot of your teams, and he fell down the stairs when he was tripping on some pills, and then lied saying he was taking some of Todd Helton's deer meat home. Anyway now you'll have to replace Barmes in your line-up while he spends the next 3 months on the DL. I think you should replace him with Neifi Perez. Nomar is out for a while, and Neifi is batting near the top of the Cubs order and producing an impressive run total coupled with a fine OPS, plus he has an 11-game hitting streak.
McStallen: Perez is a dog, what else you got, sport?
Scott Wilson: Umm...Geoff Blum ...fantasy analysts don't like him. I do. He's filled in well for Mark Loretta and is scoring runs and quite versatile.
McStallen: Not bad for a spot-starter, but a dog with different fleas. Come on, tell me something I don't know. It's my birthday...
Scott Wilson: uh..Orlando Cabrera- lots of potential but many owners got disgusted with his poor play early this season and cut him. He's worth taking a chance on...
McStallen: The public is out there throwing darts at a board, sport. I don't throw darts at a board. I only bet on sure things. Read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War." 'Every battle is won before it is ever fought.' Think about it.
Scott Wilson: Umm...Damion Easley...everyone gave up on him 7-8 years ago, but he has found himself again in Florida and hit 6 homers in the last 30 days. He can play every position in the infield except catcher!
McStallen: You're not as smart as I thought you were, sport. Listen hard --
Ever wonder why those fantasy writers can't even win their own leagues? Because they're sheep -- and sheep get slaughtered. I've been doing fantasy baseball since '83, back when names like Ben Oglivie, Butt-Pumper Smith and Gorman Thomas meant something. Most of these high paid Ivy League fantasy writers don't amount to dog shit. Give me poor, smart and hungry- And no feelings. You don't win 'em all, but you keep on fighting, and if you need a friend, get a dog. It's trench warfare out here buddy boy. I got twenty other fantasy assistants, analyzing charts. I don't need another one. Get out of my sight before I whack you with my cane.
Scott Wilson: Andy Marte!
McStallen: What? Andy Marte- I've heard the name from somewhere...
Scott Wilson: Top thirdbase prospect for the Braves.
McStallen: I don't like Braves prospects...lousy recent history. And I don't need another third baseman, I have Adrian Beltre and Dallas McPherson. And the Braves will probably convert Marte to outfielder anyway.
Scott Wilson: No Mr. McStallen- Marte will play a little middle infield when Jones gets off the DL. Even Giles, Betemit and Furcal don't know that.
McStallen: Well, How do you know?
Scott Wilson: I just...I just know.
McStallen: Interesting...Scott Wilson do you have a number?
Scott Wilson: Here's my card. You could also just page Edgar.
McStallen: Well Scott Wilson I consider 100 free agent transactions a day, and I choose one. I may be in touch, and thanks for the green breast milk.
Scott Wilson: OK Mr. McStallen. Thanks for not shooting at me. I'll see you later.
clint barnes hurten down the stares
my pleasure,
Juan Boca
I haf an good news. McStallen haf speaken for first time with public intreviewen on June 7 and i gon publsih transcripten en these pages. Here goe notting:
Scott Wilson: My name is Scott Wilson and I am a fantasy sports writer. I am here live in a secret hospital room in Belgrade where notorious global mercenary and fantasy sports expert McStallen is healing from his wounds. McStallen, How are you?
McStallen: Fine, but the fact I am in this hospital is supposed to be secret. Don't print anything about Belgrade in your article.
Scott Wilson: OK don't worry I'll redact that part. I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday too. Here's a pint of imported breast milk.
McStallen: Why's it green?
Scott Wilson: Oh don't worry about that. Anyway on to fantasy sports... McStallen I am a big fan and would like to be your personal fantasy assistant.
McStallen: So you say Scott Wilson...You're the guy who has tried to meet with me 57 different times- there ought to be a picture of you in the dictionary under "persistent." So What've you got?
Scott Wilson: I know you had Clint Barmes on alot of your teams, and he fell down the stairs when he was tripping on some pills, and then lied saying he was taking some of Todd Helton's deer meat home. Anyway now you'll have to replace Barmes in your line-up while he spends the next 3 months on the DL. I think you should replace him with Neifi Perez. Nomar is out for a while, and Neifi is batting near the top of the Cubs order and producing an impressive run total coupled with a fine OPS, plus he has an 11-game hitting streak.
McStallen: Perez is a dog, what else you got, sport?
Scott Wilson: Umm...Geoff Blum ...fantasy analysts don't like him. I do. He's filled in well for Mark Loretta and is scoring runs and quite versatile.
McStallen: Not bad for a spot-starter, but a dog with different fleas. Come on, tell me something I don't know. It's my birthday...
Scott Wilson: uh..Orlando Cabrera- lots of potential but many owners got disgusted with his poor play early this season and cut him. He's worth taking a chance on...
McStallen: The public is out there throwing darts at a board, sport. I don't throw darts at a board. I only bet on sure things. Read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War." 'Every battle is won before it is ever fought.' Think about it.
Scott Wilson: Umm...Damion Easley...everyone gave up on him 7-8 years ago, but he has found himself again in Florida and hit 6 homers in the last 30 days. He can play every position in the infield except catcher!
McStallen: You're not as smart as I thought you were, sport. Listen hard --
Ever wonder why those fantasy writers can't even win their own leagues? Because they're sheep -- and sheep get slaughtered. I've been doing fantasy baseball since '83, back when names like Ben Oglivie, Butt-Pumper Smith and Gorman Thomas meant something. Most of these high paid Ivy League fantasy writers don't amount to dog shit. Give me poor, smart and hungry- And no feelings. You don't win 'em all, but you keep on fighting, and if you need a friend, get a dog. It's trench warfare out here buddy boy. I got twenty other fantasy assistants, analyzing charts. I don't need another one. Get out of my sight before I whack you with my cane.
Scott Wilson: Andy Marte!
McStallen: What? Andy Marte- I've heard the name from somewhere...
Scott Wilson: Top thirdbase prospect for the Braves.
McStallen: I don't like Braves prospects...lousy recent history. And I don't need another third baseman, I have Adrian Beltre and Dallas McPherson. And the Braves will probably convert Marte to outfielder anyway.
Scott Wilson: No Mr. McStallen- Marte will play a little middle infield when Jones gets off the DL. Even Giles, Betemit and Furcal don't know that.
McStallen: Well, How do you know?
Scott Wilson: I just...I just know.
McStallen: Interesting...Scott Wilson do you have a number?
Scott Wilson: Here's my card. You could also just page Edgar.
McStallen: Well Scott Wilson I consider 100 free agent transactions a day, and I choose one. I may be in touch, and thanks for the green breast milk.
Scott Wilson: OK Mr. McStallen. Thanks for not shooting at me. I'll see you later.
clint barnes hurten down the stares
my pleasure,
Juan Boca
posted by McStallen at
11:48 AM
5 Comments:
McStallen- What are you talking about in your latest fireplace/bed-side chat with Scott?
I'm not talking a $30,000 a year fantasy writer flying first class and being "comfortable", I'm talking rich pal. Rich enough to fly in your own jet, rich enough not to waste time, 50-100 million- liquid- a player -- or
nothing.
is this the same scott wilson that anal-ized atterbush?
Funny you should mention that. It is indeed the same one. She visited Wilson in the hospital when his cancer was in remission, and went down on him out of pity. He quickly sodomized her and the two have remained good pen pals.
Let me know when you can walk again McStallen. Because I'd love to make you a cripple. Anyone, any time, anywhere.
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