McStallen and the Devil

So we went to this traditional Somali nudie bar and I had a few Genessee Cream Ales and was feeling a little bit tipsy. I bought the captain a few lap dances and he seemed pretty content. It looked like everyone was having alot of fun, but suddenly an explosion went off outside and a giant ball of fire crashed through the window of the titty bar.

People were panicking and trying to flee and trampling each other and it was a big mess. The captain escaped by crashing through a side wall and left a cartoonish silhouette in the spot that he exited. Then I saw a man in a wheel chair helplessly burning up, and I started laughing. But I quickly covered up my grin when I realized it was in poor taste to laugh at something like that. But a few seconds later I caught myself laughing again, and once again I had to compose myself.

The smoke and flames began to clear a little, and low and behold, who should appear but the Sacramento civil servant. Two skinnies rushed at him swinging their machetes, but the civil servant fired his eye-beams at them and they instantly burst into flames. Then the civil servant turned its attention to me.

I aimed my BAR at him, and he once again fired his eye beams, this time easily melting the trusty weapon that I had killed so many people with. The civil servant got with-in a foot of me and I tried to look away but couldn't. This demonic figure was about 5'10, and sweating profusely. He had horns on his head, and was wearing a badly singed L.A. Rams sweatshirt. He had very hairy horse-like legs, hooves for feet, and an evil fork-shaped devil tail.

He stared me down and bellowed, "I believe you have something that belongs to me, and I want it back!"

I held up the fantasy sports binder and pointed at the name tag on front, which read "LA Sports Buff."

"Is that you? Are you the 'LA Sports Buff?'" I asked.

It nodded and coughed up mucus on its face.

"Well the binder can burn in hell!" I growled, as I threw the book into the flames.

The civil servant howled "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" and put its arms over it's eyes. The book quickly incinerated in the flames, and when it did, the civil servant spontaneously combusted in a poof of smoke.

One of the skinnies approached me and asked what all this was about. I told him it was a long story and that he should mind his own god damn business. I grabbed an AK-47 that had been hastily discarded in the fracas, and left the bar. It was time for some sight-seeing.