McStallen Captured!

This is about as bad as it gets folks. I'm still in Chad, and this morning I was meeting in an urban compound with a bunch of mercenaries and some clandestine government officials, mapping out our latest campaign against the subversive indigenous forces. Suddenly several American helicopters appeared overhead and a US ranger squad burst into our compound, yelling that they were going to take us prisoner. Well I can assure you, we're not the type of people you take alive- so naturally everyone started shooting, and the proverbial shit really hit the proverbial fan when Tshimaga Bradley shot down one of the US choppers with his RPG. The chopper crashed in the middle of the square right smack in a crowd of skinnies - Horny Ed and Evan Belgium ran out to try and kill any survivors in the chopper, but they were cut down by a ranger firing a SAW from a rooftop -the whole scene was very surreal- like right out of a Ridley Scott fantasy movie like Bladerunner or Alien or something. Anyway I shot my way out of there with my Thompson, and made it back to the safehouse about a mile away.

About an hour later I was attending to a wound on my arm, when suddenly a lone American government agent dressed in black with a beard and big black 80's sun-glasses appeared outside on a motorcycle. I went to grab my panzerfaust from the weapons cabinet as the American zipped around the house. Before I could get to the weapon, the American burst thru the window of the safehouse on his motorcycle, and floored me with an elbow. Now on the ground, I reached for an AK-47 lying on the floor. But he stepped on my hand and broke a few fingers. Then I reached for my boot-knife but he grabbed the knife from me before I could use it on him, and threw the knife out the window. Then he pulled me up and administered several damaging karate chops. Finally he dragged me outside the house and proceeded to give "high-fives" to the other American agents that had gathered outside. He loaded me onto the motorcycle, and as we sped off he blew up the safehouse with a blast from his rear-firing motorcycle rocket

So anyway he took me back to the US consulate and I am meeting with a US Justice Department official in a few minutes. Now I'll have to resort to making some sort of deal with this American puppet- sell out some old acquaintances thru a plea- you know how it goes