New Assignment in South East Asia/Preseason Busts

Greetings loyal readers. I have some news on the job front. I have been hired by a South East Asian rebel faction to work as a consultant in their attempts to overthrow their nation state's current illicit regime. I will be operating out of a SanPan (AKA a "luxury pontoon boat") again but hopefully there won't be too much violence this time around. My god I hope I don't have to kill women and children on the river again. So much blood. So much suffering. Why did it have to happen God? Why?

I digress. Anyway the bad news is that I will be in a dreadfully isolated region when the major league baseball season begins. I'm not sure what kind of wireless plans they have out there, and I am just going to take a chance and hope things work out.

Now the baseball season is indeed fast approaching. I have decided to use the remainder of this post to chronicle my preseason busts. That is players who have already had bad things happen to them before the season has even begun. The value of these players is dropping faster than a Stuka so be careful:

1) Ryan Dempster, SP, Chicago (senior)- A week ago I told you Dempster was getting an opportunity to start for the Cubs. This boner has been shelled the whole spring and has squandered said opportunity.
2) Frank Thomas, DH, Chicago (junior) -Oh let the puns begin, The Big hurt is indeed hurting (bum ankle) and lord knows if or when this rotund under-achiever shall return to the baseball diamond.
3) Juan Gonzalez, OF, Cleveland- Some people thought Mr. Gonzalez would undergo a resurgency in Cleveland, but instead he is headed back to the disabled list because of a hamstring injury.
4) Dave Roberts, OF, San Diego- the speedy Roberts has a sore hamstring and may have played his way out of a starting role to super-sleeper Xavier Nady
5) Vinny Castilla, 3B, Wash- Based on '04 stats alone fantasy managers wasted valuable draft picks on this pud. If you were one of those idiots, it's best to cut your losses early and cut him lose- those '04 stats are gone and they are not coming back brother
6) Ryan Howard, 1B, Phi- His path to the big league clogged by the hulking Jim Thome, the mountainous Howard was just sent to the Phillies triple-A affiliate. What he's not good enough to pinch hit in the show? Come on Philadelphia, you're better than that!

Howard, who embiggens the image of the prototypical first basemen of the future, recently asked the cromulent Philadelphia brass to trade him.

7) Greg Aquino, RP, Arizona- A hot pick-up on draft day, Aquino has been knocked around like a cheap trailer-park whore and may lose his job to uber-sleeper Brandon Lyon
8) Jaret Wright, SP, New York (junior)- Joe Torre has decided Wright doesn't need to pitch the first few weeks of the season, y los Yanquis will use a 4-man rotation. Not a very ringing endorsement. ALthough if Kevin Brown has any more set-backs, it may be Brown, and not Wright, who gets skipped in the rotation.
9) Braden Looper, RP, New York (senior)- Looper hasn't done anything wrong. On the contrary, Looper has pitched quite admirably this preseason. But trade rumors abound that Ugie Urbina or Danys Baez may be headed to Flushing to supplant Looper as the Mets closer
10) Nick Swisher, OF, Oakland- this top Oakland prospect had a poor spring
11) Dallas McPherson, 3B, LosAngeles (junior) -a hot prospect in the off-season, McPherson's trek to the big leagues (and fantasy stock) has been gravely affected by injuries and poor play. He will start the season in the minors.
12) Brian Lawrence, SP, San Diego- this man frustrates fantasy owners every season. This preseason opposing hitters have smacked him around mercilessly.
13) Chin-hui Tsao, RP, Colorado- this promising closer suffered a very serious arm injury and has rotator cuff tendinitis- Don't hold your breath that he returns to the role of Rockies closer.

And please note I left Barry Bonds out of this discussion out of respect to his late father Bobby Bonds. Bobby, it's kind of hard with you not around. Although I know you are in heaven smiling down. Watching us while we play for you. Every day we play for you. Til the day we meet again. In my heart is where I'll keep you friend.